Okay. Writing this blog has taken me hours. I knew what I wanted to write. I wanted to write a few sentences about how rubbish last year made me feel, and then – in the next few sentences – I wanted to lift everyone’s spirits as I shared some positive things about where I’m at now. The problem was, I couldn’t fully express all the conflict that went around in my
head last year. I couldn’t make it into a neat sentence. Then I remembered that pretty much everyone felt some form of that head spinning and I didn’t need to explain. You know how I felt and it definitely can’t be described in a neat sentence. It’s a sentence that has the feel of a lot of angry swearing and crying, which turns into laughter that has a smattering of hope and then despair as you realise snot has dribbled down your face with all the crying and you don’t have any toilet paper to clean it up because someone somewhere decided they’d be selfish and hoard it all.
Anyway. Moving on.
When the new year struck, I thought I would feel like I could write off 2020, but I wasn’t rid of all that head spinning. I was still clinging onto (as humans are wont to do) all the rubbish that happened. So, a wise old owl (…Steph!) suggested that I write down the positives of last year. Reframe some of what happened. Yes, I couldn’t do all those big creative plans that I had set out to do, but what took their place?
Below is my list of things that came out of last year. Last year wasn’t a waste of time like I originally felt, and I hope by sharing these with you you can write a list of your own; or if you’re not feeling up to that yet, have a read and share in this list of mini lightbulb moments:
Family. This was the big thing for me. I had lots of projects planned and kept beating myself up about the fact that I wasn’t finding time for any of it, but then I realised that I had found time for more chats with my friends and family instead. It made me realise how much value I have for them. They are worth more than a career; a thing easy to forget in London. We played games (Among Us drove me up the wall), quizzed, talked for hours and my best memories of 2020 revolved around them.
We put on a show! It’s easy for me to forget this one. It happened just before lockdown hit and it feels odd that it was in the same year. For me that show changed a lot and gave me a drive to create more work. It also helped me find a creative voice and feel like I was allowed to be in rooms making decisions.
Piano. I played HOURS of it. I finally had the time and the right frame of mind to teach myself properly.
Therapy. I finally found the time for that as well! I gained a lot of tools and I was able to have conversations with myself that I hadn’t had time for before.
Creating. I have been trusted by people to branch out into things that I didn’t think I could, I have grown stronger for it and I have created stronger friendships because of it.
Honourable mention:
Animal Crossing and the joys it brought when I couldn’t bring myself to get up off the sofa.