These blogs are a fun way for us at Very Rascals to keep up some activity while we are away in the back room brewing up a new show. Which is what we are currently doing. There is a lot of brewing. A lot goes into a show before it can be announced or promoted or cast or produced! Frankly, it’s a lot of emails and a lot of waiting. Which doesn’t always feel super cReAtIvE. And I don’t know if there is something in the air or if it’s because there was an extra day in February or if it is just because I am tired of it being cold, the brewing phase has felt tedious. I want it to be over! I want to get to the fun stuff, the magic stuff, the making of it stuff.
And I think that’s where my brain has got it wrong.
In all of the waiting and the emails, I’ve lost both my excitement and my view of the end goal. Or rather my view of the creative process. I put all my energy into one bucket and that bucket at the moment is letting me down. Well, that’s unfair. The bucket (e.g. show we are working on - I may be stretching this metaphor too far) is doing great. We have some exciting leads and hoping very much to announce in our next newsletter. But I have put so much hope in the bucket and I am getting let down. I am letting the waiting and the emails and the grant writing get to me. Because - and this is the ticket - I am an artist. AN ARTISTE, if you will. It feels cringy to write but in essence my soul isn’t satisfied or happy with the waiting and the emailing. Because I forgot that there is so much else I can do.
As an actor, a lot of the game is waiting and rejection. It is putting yourself out there to not hear back or to hearing no’s. It’s hard. You have to stay really motivated and all of that is internal. I got the advice early on to work on my own projects so I felt like I was always doing something. That was a small stepping stone to what Very Rascals is now. I feel like I need to apply that advice again - I am working on a project but at the moment it is in the capacity of producer and that doesn’t fill up all those other buckets. So I am making some resolutions:
This evening I sent off 5 self-tapes. I have been putting it off and it took me ALL DAY because I procrastinated. However, after I had actually set everything up, I HAD FUN. I enjoyed it. Because it’s what I love! So more self tapes it is. And not just because of the audition side of things but because it’s work. I get to play. I get to learn lines and say words and PLAY.
Write. Once a week. Maybe that new play idea I have. Maybe that intimidating play I’ve written 10% of that is calling to me from some deep file of my computer. Or maybe I will write a romance novel. I don’t know. But once a week. WRITE.
And I will see how that goes.