About Bryoney
Bryoney is a Poet, Independent Celebrant, PMDD Advocate and Coach-in-training based in the West Midlands. When not writing joy-filled love stories and officiating ceremonies, she likes to channel her creativity into heartfelt poetry, from pieces on living with chronic illness to writing in her native Scots for Insta-famous dogs! With an academic background in both English (University of Dundee) and Counselling (University of Abertay), her work covers both the light and dark of life.
About the piece
Light and Dark through Luteal came about through a celebrant friend posting a poetry prompt on Instagram back in April 2022 (which, coincidentally, was also PMD Awareness Month 2022). The prompt was sunshine. I wanted to explore the cyclical nature of Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), and explore the feelings around my lived experience of it being like a light switch being flicked off and on, while also raising awareness of the disorder. PMDD was an acronym I didn’t know about until 2019, a couple of months after I started experiencing symptoms. It is, simply put, a severe negative reaction in the brain to one's own changing hormone levels throughout one's cycle - generally around the Luteal phase, but in no way limited to it. The idea was to convey this cycle like the light/sunshine going away or switching off, before returning when menstruation occurs. There is still a lot of work needing done in the medical community around treatment, diagnoses etc, as PMDD cannot be tested for and at present is diagnosed by the individual tracking their symptoms for a minimum of 2 months before presenting this evidence to their medical practitioner. Treatment options can be unreliable.
If you would like to learn more, go to: IAPMD
Light and Dark through Luteal
Outside
the sky is blue
the air warm
and birds sing in the sunshine.
Inside
a flick of a switch
the mood changes
and oh! Here we go again!
Feeling that rollercoaster lurch downwards
No! More like a spiral
I descend
into the dark.
Down here are my old friends
Anxiety and Depression
that strange mix of fight or flight
alongside feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.
But it’s much more too.
My mind wades through treacle
for days.
No attention, no focus.
I realise what this has seen me lose,
My ability to pay attention in any setting.
Friendships.
Multi-tasking.
Relationships.
To do the simplest of tasks,
or watch my favourite tv shows.
It’s overwhelming
each time, even being prepared
for what’s coming,
even understanding what is happening.
PMDD - a real, tangible self-diagnosis.
But still, I am not myself.
Inside
I wish away the days
I want to sleep through them
but I survive - others are not so lucky.
Inside
I start to feel another shift
cramps kick in
and I know I am nearly there.
My period arrives.
Inside
the flick of a switch
the mood changes
And I feel relief wash over me.
I am myself again.
Inside
outside
the sky is blue
the air warm
and I thrive in the sunshine as the birds sing.
Bryoney Cook ©2022